Leap of Faith

Aug 082010

I jumped off of a 25 foot pole yesterday…  and I lived to blog about it!

As a part of Big Brothers Big Sisters, sometimes we get to take part in events that allow us to do fun things with our “Littles”.  Yesterday’s event was called “Leap of Faith”, and it was this massive pole stuck into the ground in the middle of the woods.  There was a structurally questionable ladder going up about 1/4 of the way, and then the rest of the climb were these small pieces of wood nailed to the pole.  We were instructed to climb as high as we could and then fall or jump off of it.  Our teammates would lower us to the ground safely.

I was fourth to climb, and as I watched the first, second, and third climbers jump off, I thought this whole thing looked easy.  Or at least I did until it was my turn…

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of a massive wooden pole getting all of these ropes attached to me (so I wouldn’t fall to my doom).  I had a lot of butterflies.

Then I was climbing… and I was climbing… and getting higher and higher… and I looked up and I still had a pretty far way to go until I was at the top.

Then I was at the top looking down feeling like I was miles from the ground.

Then I wanted to push myself, and I tried to stand up on top of the 1 foot in diameter pole

Then I stood on top of the pole and felt how shaky the whole setup was.  I almost fell.

Then, to push myself a little bit more, I chose to turn around on the top of it rather than just go off of it backwards.

Then I slowly turned around on top of it (of course I looked down the whole time) and almost fell 5 more times.

And finally… I took a few more deep breaths and another look around me… and I jumped.

————————————————————-

After all was said and done, our instructor had us all stand in a circle and say out loud what we learned from our experience.  Mine was:

“I can take a leap of faith… and be okay”


While I have been handling the breakup well, to say I haven’t had second thoughts would be a lie.  It’s hard to break up with someone when nobody has really done anything wrong.  But the timing of this event… and how relevant it was… and the kind of symbolism it held…

Everything is going to be just fine.

Calligraphy - I Freakin' Love This Stuff!

Jun 152010

I’ve been busy lately and haven’t had a lot of time regarding writing posts, replying to comments, or even commenting elsewhere (although I still read your blogs when I get the chance).  Let me show you what I’ve  been up to!

As you can see, I’ve kept up with the calligraphy! I’ve been working on the seating cards for Dan’s sister’s wedding as well as making up an 8×8 sign that says “Please add your signature as a witness to our marriage”.

Before starting this project, my skills were pretty limited.  That is… until I finished that entire stack of cards each with a different name on it.  And by the time I reached the end of the seating cards I found myself having to redo the first cards I had done because I had improved in skill so much.  It was a pain, but to redo cards because I got better was a problem I liked having.

For the last few weeks, I’ve spent practically all of my spare time on those cards and that sign.  It was a big learning curve – figuring out how to center, how much pressure to put on the pen for the material the cards were made out of, figuring out vertical spacing, making sure I don’t use too much ink or too little, and the size nib to use.  Plus, I am an incredible perfectionist and the first few cards I made literally took me hours.  By now I can get about 10 cards in one sitting, but after that I start to get sloppy since my focus is lost and my hand is cramping.

And if you haven’t caught on – yes, I am kind of whiner.

Anyway, the “please add your signature sign” is not the final version – I’m still trying to decide on the flourishing I want to finish it out with (although I am definitely keeping the heart I made out of the tail of the ‘g’).  Plus, Prandtl also stepped on the paper and now there are crease marks all over it.. so I’ll have to run out and buy some more cardstock and make it over again.  Ugh.  Dogs.

So anyway, now that the bulk of the project is over, I will have free time again!  But I’ve gotten super excited over this calligraphy stuff… so I might just spend my evenings writing my name… over and over and over again… I honestly love it.  But at least now I’ll have time to fit in a blog post more often.

As a side note, if anybody wants any calligraphy work done, let me know and I will be more than happy to do it!  I can’t start until next month and I’m not charging anything as I am still trying to get a lot of practice.  Left on my own, I probably wouldn’t use calligraphy again.  The only font I know for now is the Formal Italic, but I’d be happy to start learning a second font if you’ve got a preference (although it would take me a few extra weeks). You would just pay for the materials.

So You Want To Be A Writer

Apr 242010

I’ve struggled with writing lately.  It seems to come in spurts. Some weeks I need to write something… anything… and some weeks I can’t seem to form a sentence.

These last few weeks, I’ve been experiencing the latter. Typically my blog posts come very naturally and quickly, but lately it has been a struggle. Anthony Licari, one of my favorite bloggers, posted the poem “So You Want to be a Writer” by Charles Bukowski. I find it very fitting.

So You Want To Be A Writer

If it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.

Unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.

If you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.

If you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.

If you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.

If you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.

If it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.

If you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.

If you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.


If it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

If you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

Don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
The libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
Don’t add to that.
Don’t do it.

Unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
Unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

When it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

There is no other way.

And there never was.

February Resolutions - 5/8 is Acceptable

Feb 282010

PHEW! I almost forgot it was the end of the month!!

On December 31st, I declared my New Years Resolution:  Make monthly resolutions.

For the month of February, this is how I did –

  • Read at least 1 book: FAIL. I did not read a single page.

  

  • Work out at least 3 times a week – hopefully this will go better this month…: FAIL. I did not go once throughout the month of February.

  

  • Pay off another $1000 on my credit card *sigh*: TOTALLY PWNED. Thanks to that wonderful tax refund I got, I accomplished this and then some.

 

  • Put $1000 toward my student loans: SUCCESS! I just barely made it. Again, I’ve got to give props to the government for taking lots of my money and giving it all back to me.

 

  • Attend my calligraphy class each week – no skipping class!: DONE! I love that class :)

 

  • Love Dan (he requested that one…): ALWAYS & FOREVER

 

  • Follow my dermatologist’s orders every day after my appointment on the 8th. In the past I have followed the doctor’s orders for about 4 days and then tapered off from there: TRIED, BUT HAD TO GO A DIFFERENT ROUTE. My health insurance held me back from that one. I went to Ulta instead and grabbed Dermalogica, which I have been following consistently. Sure, it’s not the same, but it is as close as I could get without dropping $400+ (no joke) on medication.

 

  • Do my laundry every week instead of waiting until I have nothing to wear: I DID IT TWICE THIS MONTH. SO NO.

 

So for those of you keeping track, I succeeded at 5 out of 8. 

I still struggle to believe that I didn’t go ONCE thoughout January. I mean.. I can believe that I didn’t go since I was there every morning when I rolled out of bed late and got to work barely at 9am, but… ugh. Disappointing.

I guess I can pride myself in that I don’t just “kind of” fail. I fail big and go home. *HIGH FIVE*

Calligraphy Class #1

Feb 102010

Yesterday was my very first calligraphy class.  I’ve bought countless books and “do it yourself” kits that are apparently useful in learning, but either they don’t work, I’m not smart enough, or I’m too spastic to learn with them.  Last time I tried, I got ink all over someone else’s tablecloth (which I stained… and moved a flowerpot over) because I couldn’t figure out how to assemble the pen.  I assume that with adult supervision, I am bound to get it right this time.

The class is comprised of about 8 women (surprised?) and the instructor.  It’s held in a junior high, so when the instructor handed out the templates for us to trace over with our pencils as well as a guide identifying the stroke sequence, I felt like I was in elementary school learning how to write again.  I’m sure it was kind of cute in a way… 8 grown women huddled over child sized desks with their tounges hanging out of their mouths as they jammed a pencil into a piece of paper to slowly form a letter A.  Needless to say, class was INTENSE.

And actually, my back hurt like a bitch by the time the hour and a half class was up.  Calligraphy requires your arm and the paper to move, not your wrist, so it’s a little more labor intensive than just scribbling crap out on a piece of paper.  I also had to hold the pencil differently than I typically do (instead of resting it on the ring finger, it rests on the middle finger) so my finger got all cramped, too.  AND, if that weren’t enough, making conversation was apparently the cardinal sin in there because nobody would talk.  Nobody.  And I tried to talk to the lady next to me, but I was shot down. You would think that a room full of women would have no shortage of discussion.  So I did a fair share of letter tracing and spelling out words like “mop” and “bob” and “bad” in silence. 

So because I had to write out everything in pencil for day one so we could practice how to write the letters, a lot of my letters look on par with the handwriting of a child.  I’m hoping that once the fancy pen stuff comes out with differing thicknesses throughout the letter, it will look awesome.  Until then, I am forced to be satisfied with being dissatisfied (if that made sense… I was trying to be clever… ).

And people in the office that have caught wind of my new skill-in-progress keep asking me what I plan to use calligraphy for.  I honestly just thought it would be cool to know because I think it’s gorgeous.  I also had it in my head that I would try to whore out my calligraphy skills on craigslist to make a little cash on the side.  I also mentioned that it would be useful to make my own wedding invitations for my future wedding, but then they all started teasing me and all of woman-kind saying that all of our lives revolve around the wedding day.  I tried to defend us women, I really did, but I didn’t know what to say.  It was one of those things where someone makes fun of you, and you think of the perfect comeback…. about 20 minutes too late.  And by then the moment is gone.  You look like an idiot.  Except I still haven’t thought of the perfect comeback.  I still have no idea what to say.

The instructor actually gave us homework… to practice half an hour a day and turn in three sheets completely filled with letters.  I probably should have made “complete all homework assignments” one of my February resolutions.

February Resolutions

Feb 012010

On December 31st, I declared my New Years Resolution:  Make monthly resolutions.

Since January is done and over with, it’s time that I make up my resolutions for the month of February!

  • Read at least 1 book
  • Work out at least 3 times a week – hopefully this will go better this month…
  • Pay off another $1000 on my credit card *sigh*
  • Put $1000 toward my student loans
  • Attend my calligraphy class each week – no skipping class!
  • Love Dan (he requested that one…)
  • Follow my dermatologist’s orders every day after my appointment on the 8th. In the past I have followed the doctor’s orders for about 4 days and then tapered off from there.
  • Do my laundry every week instead of waiting until I have nothing to wear

The payments are going to be tough, but hopefully I can commit myself.  Ideally, I will receive my tax refund before the end of the month so that I can use it to help me out a little.

Notice that snowboarding isn’t on the list this month.  I don’t want to commit myself to a huge number of things, so that will be my “side project”.

I’m ready for February!  Wish me luck!

January Resolutions - 3/7 is Pretty Bad

Jan 312010

On December 31st, I declared my New Years Resolution:  Make monthly resolutions.

Today is the last day of January, and that means it’s time for me to reflect on the goals that I made for myself for the month. 

Continue reading »

7 More Posts until I Don't Have to Write Every Day!

Jan 242010

This is my 24th post for NaBloPoMo, and I must say that I am incredibly proud of myself.  I made this commitment with the intention to do the best I could, but admittedly I had expected life to get in the way of my plans (as it always seems to do).  In hindsight, I guess that whole “failed trip to Mississippi” fiasco could have easily deterred me from goal, but I rolled with it.  I wasn’t that impressed with myself for figuring out a way to write at the time, but now that I think about it… it took some dedication to write a post on an airplane when crammed between two people.  Go me!

I wrote a cover letter last night, and even though I still struggled a little with the verbage throughout it (it’s always tough to pick out just the right word), I found it surprisingly easy to write.  So easy, in fact, I saved it and reviewed it again today because I didn’t trust what I had written.  I was happy with what I had come up with and so was Dan.  It wasn’t stiff or full of large words that I can barely define.  It was honest.  True, it was a cover letter and it was written for a hiring manager, but instead of writing what I thought they would like to see, I wrote what I had to say.  I am not sure that is status quo for cover letters, but it will certainly stick out.

Since starting NaBloPoMo, I have gained a lot of confidence in my writing ability.  I haven’t written in years, but I have always told myself that I would start when I had the time.  Well folks, I have had more than enough time over the years, but I was better at thinking up excuses than thinking up things to write.  I believe that if I didn’t sell my soul to NaBloPoMo for the month of January, this blog would be long gone by now.  Well, I suppose I shouldn’t say that.  Without NaBloPoMO and Don Keylips breathing down my neck on a daily basis, this blog would be long gone by now.

While I don’t believe that I will be participating in NaBloPoMo again (Don’t judge me — I’ve done my time!), I would certainly recommend that other people try it.  Forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone is the only real way to see what you are capable of.  I found that I am capable of sticking with something for longer than three days, and that means more to me than I can express in words.

7 days left!

A Modern Day Treasure Hunt

Jan 232010

Every year, the Pioneer Press has an event in Saint Paul.  It is called The Saint Paul Winter Carnival Treasure Hunt, and people here take it very seriously. 

I didn’t learn about this event until last night, but ever since I have been obsessed.  A medallion is hidden somewhere in Ramsey County, and every day the Pioneer Press releases a clue to find it.  Clue number eight will be released tonight at midnight, and by about the 12th clue the newspaper basically tells you where it is.  The winner recieves $10,000.00!!!!!!! 

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america's favorite serial killer

Jan 092010

I am watching Dexter right now… and have been watching practically nonstop since Dan got season one…

I can’t focus on anything else… this show is so addicting…

Is it weird that I can’t watch a single movie with blood and gore without crying, and yet I can watch Dexter (complete with dead bodies and bloody appendages) and not be able to take my eyes away?

 A serial killer done tastefully.  Genius.

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