High Heels and Heat Transfer

First of all, let me just make it clear that children make me uncomfortable. I find them to be totally unrelateable.  I don’t understand how to talk to them, how to compose myself around them, what tone of voice to use, and I have no idea what to do with body posture.  I always feel incredibly awkward and pathetic because I stand there with a puzzled look on my face stuttering and saying “UHHHHH…” and drilling them with question after question while other people make it look like the most natural thing in the world.  And I try, I really do, but I just am at a loss for words.  They might as well be speaking another language because I literally have no idea how to comprehend anything that they say.  I also get so nervous I start talking really fast and they can’t figure out what I’m saying either. 

I mean, I like kids.  I respect them.  They’re so carefree.  They do whatever they want because they haven’t yet been bogged down by “social expectation” or “responsibilities”.  They are little free spirits, running around doing whatever and dancing in front of strangers and saying ludicrous things (in a good way).  Things that we as adults are too self conscious to do. 

So anyway, I am a part of Big Brothers Big Sisters, and I was recently assigned a Little Sister.  I met her for the first time last Thursday, and today was our first phone call.  TALK ABOUT AWKWARD.  I foolishly asked a lot of yes or no questions, and she answered them with the expected flat “yes” or “no”.  I didn’t know what to talk about.  There were awkward silences.  Our conversation literally lasted 4 or 5 minutes… and it felt like hours.  I was sweating bullets.  WHAT DO I SAY?  I figured out to ask a question that she would have to elaborate on, like “What did you do for fourth of July?” but that was the only think in my question bank.  After that?  Awkward silence. Again.

…I can’t wait for the day I have children… (… that was a joke… could you tell?)

The Junior League and Big Brothers Big Sisters are set up to make me become more comfortable with kids, but it’s going to take time for me to untie my tounge.  It also doesn’t help that I’m more of a listener than a talker… so I think I just need to figure out the right questions to ask.  And the right things to say to follow up the question.

We’re going swimming on Saturday, and I know I’m going to be freaking out until then… and it will be like I am cramming for a final exam or something because I’m going to be reading anything I can get my hands on regarding how to talk to kids.  It shouldn’t be so hard – they’re little people, right?  Little people… with funny things to say and a different outlook on life.  Little people that I seriously just do not know what to do around. 

If anyone has any advice about how to have casual conversations with kids… particularly a 12 year old… FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHARE IT!  When it comes to kids, I need all of the help I can get.

May God have mercy on my soul.