> Insert Really Depressing Title Here <

Aug 132010

Now that my blog has become the most depressing space on the interweb, I find it appropriate to keep going with these little updates about how things are going for me emotionally.  Afterall – it’s not like this can get any more depressing than it already is.

As I’ve said many times before, writing is how I deal with doubts, insecurities, and thoughts I can’t seem to let go of.  Admittedly, I suppose I am being a bit of a drama queen about this whole thing.  It’s not like we had a house, four kids, two dogs, and a life together.  We had an apartment, one dog, and a big screen tv.**  But this whole thing still sucks (for the lack of a better word).  This morning I found myself forgetting why we broke up in the first place.  Then I spent the rest of the day moping around, second guessing, and suffering from thoughts in my head that couldn’t sit still and give me a moment of silence.

And then, when I was venting to my friend Joe, he found it appropriate to say, “I totally thought you guys were going to get married”.  WHOA… GEE… THANKS…  I always appreciate it when someone cuts me right across the chest with a jagged and rusty blade, runs out to buy the biggest package of salt available at Sams Club, empties all of the salt into my fresh wound, and then rubs it in there so that not a bit of it is wasted — it is forced into the cut in a way that allows  every individual granule to cause me an awful, resonating pain.  Next time maybe he can grab some lemon juice to spray directly into my eyes, too.  REAL COOL, BRO.

I also forgot to mention that I was given a $4000 Vera Wang wedding dress the day after breaking up.  No joke.  It was 100% free and is hanging in my closet right now.  Of course the women who gave it to me had no idea that less than 24 hours ago I had broken up with a guy I once talked about marriage with… or that it doesn’t fit and I will need to lose about 5 lbs before I can zip it (not only could I feel lonely… I got to feel fat too!)… and they couldn’t possibly know that I would try it on as soon as I got home and tear up over how pretty it was and my lack of places to wear it.  They were actually really sweet when I told them what happened, and they are totally cool with me selling it.  But I just thought the timing was incredible.  Seriously.  Who does that happen to?

I am handling this well.  I really am.

I started doing Yoga, and while it has been strenuous for me physically, I have found it soothing emotionally.  My friends like to joke about the silly things they say (ex. “breathe out the impurities”), but I typically find myself trying to follow the instruction that they give.  I do my best to inhale the best I have to offer and to exhale the things that keep me from being happy.  In the last week and a half, I have been able to focus entire on me.  It is no longer “What’s best for us?”  Now it is “What do I want to do?”

When I was at dinner with a friend on Wednesday, we started to talk about the movie Eat, Pray, Love.  I mentioned how I kind of wanted to go on a solo vacation, and she excitedly proclaimed, “I did that once and it was fantastic!”  Apparently she went to Hawaii with a stack of books and spent an entire week there.  She went to the beach every day and didn’t have to ask anybody else for their opinion.  It was weird, she said, but a great experience.  “No matter where you end up going, you will learn a lot about yourself.”  Suddenly Take a vacation by myself is on my bucket list.

Hmm…

Well anyway, after rereading the beginning of what I have written here, I think I should mention that I am really not an emotional wreck.  The fourth paragraph (about the wedding dress) was written because… lets be honest… who does that happen to?  It is kind of sad, but at the same time very funny to me.  The 3rd paragraph was written because my friends have the best intentions, but they say silly things sometimes.  Also… I am pretty sure Joe reads this so he might appreciate a shout-out about how insensitive he sometimes is (and one of my favorite things to do is give him a hard time).  The 2nd paragraph is honest to what I’m feeling.  I’m not depressed and I’d like to think that those thoughts come with any breakup.

So, in case anyone was worried, my sense of humor is still intact and I am still the happy-go-lucky person I have always been :-)

Besides all of that, I have a wedding to attend tomorrow.  I thought about wearing my new wedding dress to it, but I heard that wearing white to a wedding is rude.  Maybe a birthday party is coming up.

**In case anyone was wondering, Dan and I are going to move out of our shared apartment and into separate places beginning on Sunday.  I get the television and the dog.  He gets the desk that I spilled ink all over.  I definitely won in the “who gets what” game.

Ouch

Aug 052010

On Tuesday night, Dan and I broke up.

There was no cheating.  No unhappy feelings.  No not-getting-along. From the outside looking in, we had a great relationship.  Hell, even from the inside we had a great relationship.  But something was missing, and I never could quite put my finger on it.

I brought up my thoughts on our relationship, and he agreed.  Something really was missing.  He was able to put it in words better than I could.

“When we both lived in Michigan, we were both unhappy because we were just starting out and not quite doing what we want to do.  Moving to Minnesota has helped me find my happiness here through my research and the things that I do, but you haven’t found yours yet.  I needed support to reach the place I am at now, and you were there for me every step of the way.  Unfortunately for us, what you need is space — and I am willing to give that to you.”

I am not one to say that our 2 year and 4 month relationship was a waste.  I take everything as a learning opportunity because, no matter what I am doing, I am learning about myself in one way or another.  And I learned a lot with Dan.  He pushed me to be a better person and supported me no matter what I was doing. 

But there are only so many things you can learn in a relationship.  At some point, you need to take a step out of your comfort zone and learn to live on your own.  Since starting college, I was a “serial monogomist” and went from one serious relationship to the next in a matter of weeks.  And lately, with all of this talk of marriage and forever, I don’t think I’ll really be ready until I get the chance to try this out.

I’m not going to go into every facet of the breakup here, but to put it plainly… I am very sad. 

I am sure that I will be for a very long time.

For the last week, I have been listening to two songs over and over again.  I respond to music.  If any of you are having trouble with something in your life, maybe these songs can give you some much needed strength as well.

8 Food Secrets of Skinny People

Apr 272010

After a night of reflecting, I think that my biggest problem with me and healthy foods is that “healthy food” is constantly associated with “losing weight“. Since I don’t want to lose weight, I have never thought I needed to know what “healthy” was. But, as I discussed in my last post, I have changed my outlook on that. Figuring out how to be healthy is my newest hobby.

All of my mom scolding me regarding any familiarity I had with fats and dieting has really taken a toll on me. I don’t believe in dieting (in the ‘carefully select what you eat’ sense). I don’t believe in counting calories. That’s why I am trying to take over Dan’s dieting – I don’t think he needs to force himself to eat disgusting, tasteless foods to lose weight. He has finally allowed me to have my way, but he is doing so very distrustfully. I think he’s secretly counting calories and putting my food in the garbage and replacing it what the nasty rice/chicken/frozen vegetable/weird sauce mixture he makes in bulk every week for lunch.

For some reason, nobody around me seems to understand my point of view. “But I need to make sure I don’t get too many points on weight watchers!” they claim. “I CANNOT EAT THAT COOKIE BECAUSE IT GOES STRAIGHT TO MY HIPS!” And then I return with “STOP YELLING AT ME” while crumbs from the 2 cookies I’m eating simultaneously are spewing out of my mouth. “GOD I LOVE COOKIES!”

So imagine my excitement when I was greeted this afternoon with an article on the MSN.com homepage – 8 food Secrets of Skinny People

Typically I click on articles that supposedly tell people about my habits and my feelings to see how inaccurate they are. Those “What she’s really thinking” articles NEVER get me right, and don’t even get me started on any article that tries to tell men “What She Pretends to Hate, but Really Loves”. But this skinny people article… it really got me right. And at 5’6″ and 128 lbs, I think I can say that I am one of the people that this article represents.

8 Food Secrets of Skinny People really articulated all of the food habits I have tried so very hard to explain to Dan. These are all things that I practice (except the fruit thing… I’m working on it). And if you, dear readers, are struggling with weight as well… I would recommend the same to you.

The 8 secrets?

  • They choose satisfied over stuffed
  • They realize hunger isn’t an emergency
  • They don’t use food to cure the blues
  • They eat more fruit
  • They’re creatures of habit
  • They have a self-control gene
  • They’re movers and shakers
  • They sleep — well

To me, life is too short to deny yourself of anything tasty. Notice that none of the secrets say anything that could be perceived as “avoid anything deep fried”.

I have supplied the link to the 8 Food Secrets of Skinny People article several times so that you can read the details of it for yourself since I only summarized. Give it a read!

New... Trish... Un? Newtrishun?

Apr 262010

I grew up in a home that didn’t really emphasize nutrition. Aside from telling me to eat a vegetable with my dinner every  night (usually consisting of canned corn or canned green beans), my parents were really hands off. Eating brownies for breakfast wasn’t unheard of. My childhood was every little kids dream. Ration halloween candy? Uhh.. try… Kids, go ahead and eat it for dinner.

So imagine the day that I learned about calories in my high school health class. And imagine my mother’s reaction when I came home and tried to talk about it with her. “HEAD HEAD, THAT’S STUPID. JUST DONT EAT TOO MUCH AND YOU DON’T GET FAT!” End discussion. Never to be brought up again. And from that day on, I thought of health class as a waste of my time.

Flash forward to today – I still know nothing about nutrition. Dietary Fiber? Magnesium? Gamma-linolenic Acid? If someone were to present me with some magical food with all of those things, I’d throw it on the floor and accuse them of poisoning me. Then I would run next door and order a cheeseburger and some fries. Extra oil please.

My ignorance regarding all things healthy really puts Dan in an unfortunate position. He wants to lose weight, but my diet won’t let him. I eat anything and everything — I have no regard for things that are healthy or good for you. “How about fried chicken tonight, pizza tomorrow, and maybe on Friday we’ll just eat an entire cake.” If he decides he doesn’t want to eat with me, I get all whiney because food doesn’t taste as good if I’m eating it alone. Isn’t eating regarded as a social activity on most occassions? And then I bat my eyelashes and he does my bidding (BWAH HA HA HA).

So a few days ago, Dan pleaded with me. He wants to be healthy and lose weight. He suggested buying his own groceries, but I had a better idea. How about we just stop eating out and learn to cook for ourselves every day. That in itself will save him tons of calories PLUS we won’t be wasting a miraculous amount of food by throwing away who-knows-how-many leftovers that we, as individuals, will not finish. After we get in the groove of cooking for ourselves every day, we can reevaluate our diets from there and get a better handle on our shopping list. He agreed.

So we decided to check out the food co-op – a grocery store with a lot of emphasis on local, organic products. I had suggested that we buy only a few fruits, milk, and beef there, but he wanted to do all of our grocery shopping there because it was convenient. Well… half a cart full and $90 later… our fridge looks something like this:

 

 

And no, not ALL of those things were bought at the co-op. I’m not sure that they make an organic version of Smirnoff Ice.

I like the idea of shopping organic, but seems so expensive at first glance. Our bill could have easily been around $50 had we gone to a typical grocery store with typical items and with typical prices. BUT… while I’d love to whine and bitch about the $90… I’m not sure that we got the raw end of the deal. We will easily save $40 on a single night by eating in and not going to the Indian restaurant nearby that we frequent almost weekly. And having good, quality food really inspires me to eat at home. I’m actually excited about it!

I had heard that every piece of plastic ever produced still exists today. That statement in itself pushed me to want to recycle. Recycling pushes me to wish to be more “natural”. Natural = natural food. I think you’re starting to understand my thinking patterns now. That’s good. Next time, when I’m talking about the plant on my desk and then, all of a sudden, I’m somehow on the topic of that time my step dad ran over a snapping turtle with his van, got out and beat it to death with a stick, and then took it home for us to eat turtle stew you’ll understand how I got there. Buuut… yeah… probably not.

 

I Am A Lucky Woman

Apr 152010

♥ Here’s to two years of fun together ♥

 

♥ Here’s to two years of celebrating our accomplishments with one another ♥

 

♥ Here’s to two years of taking those cute little smoochy pictures together ♥

 

♥ Here’s to two years of being in love ♥

 

Happy 2 Year Anniversary, handsome. XOXO

Way Too Nerdy Thursdays :: Where "Prandtl" Came From

Mar 112010

A lot of people think my dog is adorable and they’ll stop us in the street and ask questions about her.

“Awww!!!! How old is she?!”
“Almost one and a half now.”
“OHHHH She still looks like a puppy! What kind of dog is she?”
“I don’t know. We got her from a rescue. Her papers say Shiba Inu and Collie.”
“AWWW I LOVE HER! I WANT TO CUDDLE HER AND TAKE HER HOME! What is her name?”
“Prandtl.”
“.. Pransil? Pr.. Proodle?…”
“Prandtl”
“.. Pringle?”
“Prandtl. Like Mantle with a ‘Pr’”
“Prandil?”
“….”
“…”
“…”

Nobody has heard of the name Prandtl. It’s weird and different. I think it makes a cute dog name because we can shorten it down to just “P” and call her things like “Piddles” and “Poopface”, but nobody else seems to get it. And in all of the people that I have met on the face of this earth, only two people have understood exactly what her name references. TWO. And that is despite going to college for engineering.. and working with a bunch of engineers. And what was the first thing these two people said when they made the connection?

“JESUS! .. Really?? You ARE a nerd!” and “I’m about to throw up in my soup.”

Dan and I wanted a name that fit the following criteria:
1) German because at first glance her black muzzle makes you think about a German Shepherd.
2) Nerdy because her foster parent had named her “Spirit” since the woman was a total hippie. We thought that “Spirit” was stupid and totally unfitting, so we wanted to name her something engineeringy since we were very much NOT hippies and we were engineering students.

So we sat and we thought, and the only name we could think of at the time was “Prandtl”.  We had learned about the Prandtl number in Heat Transfer. I copied and pasted the following from Wikipedia for your reference (and kind of mine too, because I really don’t remember when we actually used this number):

The Prandtl number Pr is a dimensionless number approximating the ratio of momentum diffusivity (kinematic viscosity) and thermal diffusivity. It is named after the German physicist Ludwig Prandtl.

It is defined as:

 

where:

OH SNAP!! We looked up Ludwig Prandtl (on Wikipedia), too.. just to see if he was a good enough person for us to name our dog after. We have high standards, you know.

Ludwig Prandtl (4 February 1875 – 15 August 1953) was a German scientist. He was a pioneer in the development of rigorous systematic mathematical analyses which he used to underlay the science of aerodynamics, which have come to form the basis of the applied science of aeronautical engineering. In the 1920s he developed the mathematical basis for the fundamental principles of subsonic aerodynamics in particular; and in general up to and including transonic velocities. His studies identified the boundary layer, thin-airfoils, and lifting-line theories. The Prandtl number was named after him

So there you have it.  Prandtl is named after a man who is referred to as the father of aerodynamics. Plus, they totally look alike.

And you had better believe that we plan on continuing the trend and naming our next dog something nerdy as well. Maybe we’ll name it Pythagoreon. Or Differential Equations (“Diff” for short).

February Resolutions - 5/8 is Acceptable

Feb 282010

PHEW! I almost forgot it was the end of the month!!

On December 31st, I declared my New Years Resolution:  Make monthly resolutions.

For the month of February, this is how I did –

  • Read at least 1 book: FAIL. I did not read a single page.

  

  • Work out at least 3 times a week – hopefully this will go better this month…: FAIL. I did not go once throughout the month of February.

  

  • Pay off another $1000 on my credit card *sigh*: TOTALLY PWNED. Thanks to that wonderful tax refund I got, I accomplished this and then some.

 

  • Put $1000 toward my student loans: SUCCESS! I just barely made it. Again, I’ve got to give props to the government for taking lots of my money and giving it all back to me.

 

  • Attend my calligraphy class each week – no skipping class!: DONE! I love that class :)

 

  • Love Dan (he requested that one…): ALWAYS & FOREVER

 

  • Follow my dermatologist’s orders every day after my appointment on the 8th. In the past I have followed the doctor’s orders for about 4 days and then tapered off from there: TRIED, BUT HAD TO GO A DIFFERENT ROUTE. My health insurance held me back from that one. I went to Ulta instead and grabbed Dermalogica, which I have been following consistently. Sure, it’s not the same, but it is as close as I could get without dropping $400+ (no joke) on medication.

 

  • Do my laundry every week instead of waiting until I have nothing to wear: I DID IT TWICE THIS MONTH. SO NO.

 

So for those of you keeping track, I succeeded at 5 out of 8. 

I still struggle to believe that I didn’t go ONCE thoughout January. I mean.. I can believe that I didn’t go since I was there every morning when I rolled out of bed late and got to work barely at 9am, but… ugh. Disappointing.

I guess I can pride myself in that I don’t just “kind of” fail. I fail big and go home. *HIGH FIVE*

Valentine's Day Is Overrated

Feb 142010

In my eyes, Valentine’s Day is overrated.

And it’s not that I don’t appreciate flowers, chocolates, or affection — I am a woman, afterall.  And it’s not that I am one of those people that whines about it with the standard “Why do you need a special day to love your partner” argument.  I personally think it’s great that one day a year we celebrate the fact that people are in love.  But I’m just not that into it.

When it’s my first Valentine’s Day with someone new, I am thrilled.  I go all out with special gifts and plans and fancy dinners.  But since Dan and I have been together for almost two years and have been living together for almost a year, there’s nothing that exciting about spending the evening going to the movies and dinner.  I mean, we do it all of the time!  And while it’s nice to get flowers, they’re kind of the go-to gift for every other holiday and birthday.  Plus, why should I get excited to spend my February 14th evening crammed into a movie theatre with a bunch of tweens and teenagers trying to say “smart” things to impress one another.  And going out to eat isn’t really anything special any more since we do it all of the time (although we did go out for sushi tonight… yum!)

I know I sound like a bitter old woman right now.  I have been dating Dan for less than two years and already I’m losing interest in major lovey-dovey holidays. 

Anyway, I gave Dan an electric shaver for Valentine’s Day.  He loves it.  We are nothing if not practical.

February Resolutions

Feb 012010

On December 31st, I declared my New Years Resolution:  Make monthly resolutions.

Since January is done and over with, it’s time that I make up my resolutions for the month of February!

  • Read at least 1 book
  • Work out at least 3 times a week – hopefully this will go better this month…
  • Pay off another $1000 on my credit card *sigh*
  • Put $1000 toward my student loans
  • Attend my calligraphy class each week – no skipping class!
  • Love Dan (he requested that one…)
  • Follow my dermatologist’s orders every day after my appointment on the 8th. In the past I have followed the doctor’s orders for about 4 days and then tapered off from there.
  • Do my laundry every week instead of waiting until I have nothing to wear

The payments are going to be tough, but hopefully I can commit myself.  Ideally, I will receive my tax refund before the end of the month so that I can use it to help me out a little.

Notice that snowboarding isn’t on the list this month.  I don’t want to commit myself to a huge number of things, so that will be my “side project”.

I’m ready for February!  Wish me luck!

A Modern Day Treasure Hunt

Jan 232010

Every year, the Pioneer Press has an event in Saint Paul.  It is called The Saint Paul Winter Carnival Treasure Hunt, and people here take it very seriously. 

I didn’t learn about this event until last night, but ever since I have been obsessed.  A medallion is hidden somewhere in Ramsey County, and every day the Pioneer Press releases a clue to find it.  Clue number eight will be released tonight at midnight, and by about the 12th clue the newspaper basically tells you where it is.  The winner recieves $10,000.00!!!!!!! 

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