Will You Marry Me?

Oct 202010

To your right, you will see that I have a box where you can ask me questions.  Every question is anonymous (or if there is a way to figure out who asked it, I haven’t figured it out yet), and you can ask anything you want.  When a question is asked, I receive an e-mail telling me that there is a question in my formspring inbox.

About 5 weeks ago, I was asked the following question:

Will you marry me?

I didn’t see the question until a few days ago, and I thought it was kind of funny.  Like I said, I don’t know who asked it or why.  Maybe it was just someone being cute… or maybe it was Dan in a moment of desperation.  Regardless, it got me thinking.  Who would I marry?  What kind of person would have to ask me this question to get a “yes” out of me?

I am single now, so I’m allowed to fantasize about my perfect man without feeling too guilty.  While I am a total commitment-phobe, and in the real world I would probably answer with an “eehhhhhhhhh I dunnnnoooooooooo…..” if this perfect man were to jump out of a tree to ambush me with an engagement ring, lets just play along for fun’s sake.

While we all like to pretend that looks don’t matter, let’s be honest with ourselves for once.  They do.  And while I’m not saying the below physical description is end-all-be-all, I am allowed to have preferences.

Physical Characteristics –

Eye Color: Green
Hair: Dark Brown or Black and short
Height: 6′+
Build:  Athletic with Broad shoulders (I am a sucker for swimmers.  Wuttup anybody with the body of Michael Phelps.)
Piercings: none
Tattoos: hmmmm.. a few wouldn’t hurt
Body Hair: Uhhh.. lets keep it to a minimum…

Think Paul Rudd.  I know I could have gone with totally-in-your-face-hott, but I prefer the run-of-the-mill-handsome.

Give Me a Guy Who –

  • Takes the “man’s role”.  This includes but is not limited to such basic functions as driving most places, fixing stuff, and asking for a table at restaurants (I’m not hard to please)
  • Likes animals and has the patience to put up with Prandtl
  • Will take me to get a Bloomin’ Onion (or Awesome Blossom depending on the restaurant) whenever I am sad
  • Will love me even when my metabolism disappears and I get fat off of aforementioned  Bloomin’ Onions
  • Will honestly answer the questions that I ask – even if it means my feelings are hurt.  I don’t ask those potentially hurtful questions unless I want an honest answer.  This includes “does this make me look fat?”
  • Is educated, is driven, and has aspirations
  • Is athletic… or is at least willing to do things like rock climb, hike, or play tennis with me sometimes
  • Encourages me
  • Makes me laugh – especially when I am stressed or upset
  • Surprises me once in awhile with small things (ex – gets me my favorite candy bar at Walgreens if he’s there already)
  • Has enough patience to put up with me when I am extra sloooowwwwww at catching on to what’s going on.  Those days happen more often than I’d like to admit.  He also has to be able to put up with how stubborn I am
  • Is not too jealous.  95% of my friends are guys and this dream-man has to be able to accept that.
  • Doesn’t necessarily love the things that I love… but is still willing to humor me once in awhile
  • Will not trick me into eating spicy foods
  • Has an active social life so I can have some breathing space sometimes
  • Will fight with me and is not afraid of me.  I don’t want to always be right.  I’m not dense enough to believe that I know everything
  • Is warm. I know it is weird, but this one is serious business.  My feet get SO COLD in the winter… and I need him to warm them
  • Is dependable.  If he says he will be somewhere.. he will be there
  • Can find the bright side in things.  I don’t want to be with someone who is a total mopey drag all of the time
  • Is willing to talk out problems.  I am not the type of woman that keeps issues to myself until the relationship implodes.  I would rather work things out as they come, and there is no way I could be with a guy that isn’t willing to communicate.
  • Can have a serious conversation
  • Is honest
  • Can roll with the punches.  We all get caught off guard, but he’s able to figure out the situation and move forward accordingly
  • Is not super clingy
  • Does not make me feel judged.  He is someone I can talk to about anything
  • Would never hit me or abuse me emotionally or physically
  • Isn’t all about PDA.  Once in awhile is okay, but too much makes me want to throw up
  • Cares about me and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep me happy (as long as I’m not requesting something stupid… like 5k in jewels to stick around)
  • Is intelligent… and is not afraid of buoyancy.
  • Laughs at my jokes
  • Has tact…  nobody wants to date an asshole
  • And of course… loves me for me :)

Admittedly, I made this list while watching Robin Hood: Men In Tights, so perhaps I missed some things.  I am sure that over the next 24 hours I will think of some new things to add here… but for now, this is acceptable.

So.. for all of the Paul Rudd/Michael Phelps looking guys with the traits I listed above… SUP?

> Insert Really Depressing Title Here <

Aug 132010

Now that my blog has become the most depressing space on the interweb, I find it appropriate to keep going with these little updates about how things are going for me emotionally.  Afterall – it’s not like this can get any more depressing than it already is.

As I’ve said many times before, writing is how I deal with doubts, insecurities, and thoughts I can’t seem to let go of.  Admittedly, I suppose I am being a bit of a drama queen about this whole thing.  It’s not like we had a house, four kids, two dogs, and a life together.  We had an apartment, one dog, and a big screen tv.**  But this whole thing still sucks (for the lack of a better word).  This morning I found myself forgetting why we broke up in the first place.  Then I spent the rest of the day moping around, second guessing, and suffering from thoughts in my head that couldn’t sit still and give me a moment of silence.

And then, when I was venting to my friend Joe, he found it appropriate to say, “I totally thought you guys were going to get married”.  WHOA… GEE… THANKS…  I always appreciate it when someone cuts me right across the chest with a jagged and rusty blade, runs out to buy the biggest package of salt available at Sams Club, empties all of the salt into my fresh wound, and then rubs it in there so that not a bit of it is wasted — it is forced into the cut in a way that allows  every individual granule to cause me an awful, resonating pain.  Next time maybe he can grab some lemon juice to spray directly into my eyes, too.  REAL COOL, BRO.

I also forgot to mention that I was given a $4000 Vera Wang wedding dress the day after breaking up.  No joke.  It was 100% free and is hanging in my closet right now.  Of course the women who gave it to me had no idea that less than 24 hours ago I had broken up with a guy I once talked about marriage with… or that it doesn’t fit and I will need to lose about 5 lbs before I can zip it (not only could I feel lonely… I got to feel fat too!)… and they couldn’t possibly know that I would try it on as soon as I got home and tear up over how pretty it was and my lack of places to wear it.  They were actually really sweet when I told them what happened, and they are totally cool with me selling it.  But I just thought the timing was incredible.  Seriously.  Who does that happen to?

I am handling this well.  I really am.

I started doing Yoga, and while it has been strenuous for me physically, I have found it soothing emotionally.  My friends like to joke about the silly things they say (ex. “breathe out the impurities”), but I typically find myself trying to follow the instruction that they give.  I do my best to inhale the best I have to offer and to exhale the things that keep me from being happy.  In the last week and a half, I have been able to focus entire on me.  It is no longer “What’s best for us?”  Now it is “What do I want to do?”

When I was at dinner with a friend on Wednesday, we started to talk about the movie Eat, Pray, Love.  I mentioned how I kind of wanted to go on a solo vacation, and she excitedly proclaimed, “I did that once and it was fantastic!”  Apparently she went to Hawaii with a stack of books and spent an entire week there.  She went to the beach every day and didn’t have to ask anybody else for their opinion.  It was weird, she said, but a great experience.  “No matter where you end up going, you will learn a lot about yourself.”  Suddenly Take a vacation by myself is on my bucket list.

Hmm…

Well anyway, after rereading the beginning of what I have written here, I think I should mention that I am really not an emotional wreck.  The fourth paragraph (about the wedding dress) was written because… lets be honest… who does that happen to?  It is kind of sad, but at the same time very funny to me.  The 3rd paragraph was written because my friends have the best intentions, but they say silly things sometimes.  Also… I am pretty sure Joe reads this so he might appreciate a shout-out about how insensitive he sometimes is (and one of my favorite things to do is give him a hard time).  The 2nd paragraph is honest to what I’m feeling.  I’m not depressed and I’d like to think that those thoughts come with any breakup.

So, in case anyone was worried, my sense of humor is still intact and I am still the happy-go-lucky person I have always been :-)

Besides all of that, I have a wedding to attend tomorrow.  I thought about wearing my new wedding dress to it, but I heard that wearing white to a wedding is rude.  Maybe a birthday party is coming up.

**In case anyone was wondering, Dan and I are going to move out of our shared apartment and into separate places beginning on Sunday.  I get the television and the dog.  He gets the desk that I spilled ink all over.  I definitely won in the “who gets what” game.

what is waiting for me in 2010

Jan 022010

On New Years Eve, I went to Brit’s Pub with Dan.  We met Charlie and Glenn and Jason there, and a few other people joined us as well.  There was a live band playing The Beatles and Sting, but we left at about 10:30pm because the band wasn’t very good and there were two drunk girls knocking over beers and talking/screeching like they came straight out of Alvin and the Chipmunks. 

We moved on to Keirans Irish Pub where the Tim Malloys were playing.  They were GREAT!  They got the crowd involved, they had a lot of talent, and they were just a lot of fun to watch.  We got seats near the stage and I sat at a table with a woman that had a huge issue with a large group of lesbians that were also in the pub.  They were constantly fondling the one guy that was in their group while they were making out with each other.  PDA to the extreme. 

The countdown hit zero, we all toasted and drank champagne, and I got a great big kiss from Dan.  The first words I heard in the year 2010?  “Happy New Year, baby.  This is the year that we get engaged.”

I guess I had better start saving for a wedding.

 <3